Monday, June 6, 2011

Day 59

Dear mummy, This post is specially dedicated for you.

Tonight something is wrong with me. Something is wrong with me.i know the reason why. and its bothering me. Day after tomorrow (8th June) will be ur birthday. Due to some reason, i fucked up all my savings and im broke. I have no money to buy u anything. im not a good daughter. And I failed to be one. However mummy i still love you no matter what.

I’m selfish arrogant and not a good daughter.
u tried to gave me anything that i want but still, i never satisfied with what i already had.
I never listened to u, never followed ur advice and so much more. I can’t give you my best shot. I can’t perform well in my studies, I didn’t help you do the house chores and keep on blaming you because u keeps on nagging. For some reason, I know why you nagged so much. It’s me. im the main reason. I disobeyed you.

You are such a great mum you know that? My Super mum.
You will be there whenever I needed someone to be my shoulder.
Sometimes, when im mad or someone dares to interfere with my lives u always supports me. If something bad happened to me such as I catch a cold and its quite bad u will be the one who accompany me to clinics or hospitals. At that moment, u will say some harsh word but I know deep inside your heart ure worried about me. That is why sometimes u will scolded me if I catch a cold or something. U doesn’t want me to get sick.

I remembered once, you cried at mcmc when we went to see Dr Matthew and he told you something is wrong with my large intestine and his scared that I might be one of the cancer victims. Touch wood.

I love you mummy. Really… im so sorry for hurting you and unable to be a great good daughter. I let you down. I failed mummy.
One day later, if I able to be rich I will buy you any ring, any diamond, anything that you want. I am now might be a big failure but this will be the end. I will make you proud. I will. I will make you happy.

Not forgetting you abah.

Abah is my hero. He always stands by my side no matter what. 
He said yes when mummy said no. 
he can be funny at times. He will bring us out for dinner or lunch to have some good times together. He willing to sacrifices his own life just to keep us survives. He knows the best just like our mummy. 
They know the best for their children. They never let us down and respect our decision. 

Once he worked at sungai tujoh. That was about few years back when I’m still using kain biru gelap. Zaman sekolah rendah. :)
Just because he don’t want mummy to get tired sending us to school early in the morning he went back home almost every day. 365 days excluding weekends and sch hols.

For your information, few years ago, sungai tujoh jaoh lalu ok. U need to use ferry to reach there. Haih kesian. But still, I didn’t perform well in my studies. I managed to score only 2A’s in my upsr. i messed up during pmr. didn't performed well in spm as well. too bad.

Just because I couldn’t enter local uni, we have no other choice but to send me to curtin. Haih. I don’t want to be ur burdened anymore. I will try my best to pass my foundation abah and mummy. :) 

I love you guys.and im very sorry. :'(


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