Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Day 67

Hello everyone. Hello November. I’d came back to see you again blogger. 

Anyhowwwwww, There’s a story I would like to share to all of you.  

 “This time, I really need to express what’s inside me. I can’t take it anymore. I really want to cry badly but I don’t know where I should express this sadness. I am a failure since the day I’m in love. I never get things right. I always do things that I basically don’t know I shouldn’t do that. I always am the reason why my love lives never work out.

You know, I really love this person. Really I do. No doubt. Unfortunately, maybe somehow I need to let this person go from my lives. I don’t deserve him neither forever I will never do. Basically, I’m an egoistic person. I want everything to be on my way and whenever I speak, I want that person to listen. I take things too granted where I assume that person will understand me in whatever way I’m trying to say. That person trying so hard to fix everything; to win my heart back and forth; to be my one and only but I never get to appreciate what he had done for me. 

Back to four years ago, I was in love with this guy. Well, today he is my past. That is the reason why you see “was” over there. Haha. We failed because of me. I was born to be a failure and every guy that decided to be part of me is the most unlucky guy ever. They are at the same time committing themselves to be with the most selfish person in the world. 

As for today, I was in love again. After four years of relationship gone within just a blink of an eye, I was in love again with this person in a blink of an eye as well. I miss being loved, being pampered and feel so secure. I thought I had learn a lot of things from my previous relationship, however, I turn out to be the most ugliest monster where I started to became more ego than ever, being selfish and such a MotherEff in expressing my loves toward that person. 

That feeling, which unsaid word inside me, I wish I can let it out someday. I wish I could say it right to that person how much I adore and admire that person. Really I do. How I wish I could actually tell that person what do I feel towards him without care about our past? We were friend before, that’s the reason why the urge-ness not to tell him the real me is not there. 

Dear that person, 

On the first day we were together, I think I am the happiest person in the world. Even though we never like each other, never plan to be together, everything has turn out to be so well right after. My parents like you, so do my family. You’ve been treating me like I’m the only girl in the world *woohoo rihanna song*.It took me about 3 days to start liking you more than a friend and several days after, I’d started to love you.  Everything is too fast. Soon after, you have to leave me because you are leaving to somewhere to pursuing your studies. I never like that day, but I tried to be strong. I don’t want to think about it day and night. I do miss you like the way you miss me and my heart never changed until our first argue. After recovering, my heart gets to love you more than ever. Till the second and third argue. I kept my promised. I did not go and leave you. :’( 

I don’t want to hurt you by leaving you. That’s the obvious part of all that I still love you. How can we change the feeling by one mistake that the person did? No. even a monster like me can’t change the fact that I still love you despite what had happened. The truth is, I’m tired. I just don’t want to get hurt again but I still want to be with you. How can you make things right? If you ever questioned me that part, well honey, I don’t know. I changed a lot. I couldn’t understand my own heart now. I don’t know how you can make up this part because I was relying on my selves to solve this matter. At times, I do feel insecure about my loves towards you… I tried to stop that feeling and try to be the same. But I failed again. it is too obvious and you finally realized it. I was too ashamed of myself. Why did I treat a good man like you like a piece of a broken string? :’( there is so many unsaid word inside me. too much but i decided to call it an off. I am really sorry. I shouldn’t be the one. I really love you &  I can promise you, that will never change in the moment. Goodbye.”

Well, just would like to share some not-so-sad love story from unknown. Love is hard right? that's why i think twice before decided to fall. 

bye for now! :D


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